In the meantime, you have also been spotted by the saleswoman. Not one of those exaggerated saleswomen who likes everything you are wearing, but one who you feel is being honest with you. You tell her that this blouse is exciting for you. She immediately comes up with the perfect solution. She gets a shirt and explains: “If you wear this shirt underneath, the whole thing will be a bit calmer and therefore a bit safer. Then you can slowly get used to it. And as soon as you want to go all the way, you take the shirt out from underneath.” That sounds good. It's a deal.
In the evening, you go to a friend's birthday party. After a while, she asks you: "Do you have a new blouse?" You can tell from her tone that she doesn't like it. She won't say that quickly, she's too nice for that. After some insistence, she finally admits that she would never buy it herself.
The valued colleague
You don't let it stop you and the next day you wear the blouse to work. As soon as you walk through the door, your colleague reacts immediately. "Wow, super blouse." You feel a sigh of relief go through you. This is the colleague you hold in high regard and who also knows what he's talking about. In his spare time, he runs a web shop for clothing. His professional explanation of why he thinks the blouse suits you so well immediately follows.
The meaning
Maybe you would like it if you didn't care about anyone. That no comment could affect you. If only it were that much of a party. That's not how it works. I just told you that appreciation is one of our basic drives. So we can't avoid feeling criticism coming in.
The question is: how hard do you let it in?
Not tarring all 'critics' with the same brush, but making a distinction provides more overview and insight. This story makes it clear who the criticism comes from. We have seen the irritating child, the good saleswoman, the sweet friend and the valued colleague. In the model this looks like this:
modelYvonnevanBalkom
This means that it can be very helpful to classify the behavior of the person you are criticizing into one of these categories. Do you have a strong or weak connection with the person? Does the person have a strong or weak expertise on the subject?
Just asking yourself these questions gives you some distance from the situation and allows you to decide with an open mind: how am I going to respond? And also: do I want to respond at all? Someone who behaves like an 'annoying child' does not necessarily have to get a response.
When it is clear that the criticism belgium telegram data comes from someone who falls into the category of 'the annoying child', the criticism feels much less sharp. It is no longer a dagger in your heart. Perhaps more like a laughable tap on your shoulder. That automatically causes a different reaction.
You will react differently
The more you apply this model to the criticism you receive, the less you will always fall into automatic behavior. Through the story you will quickly recognize the categories, which will automatically make you react differently. You will feel less attacked. You will feel less of a need to defend yourself immediately. At least, those are the reactions I have received so far from people who use the model.
I'd love to hear how it is for you.
Feel free to use the model. For yourself or people you work with, but always do this in combination with the accompanying story. The power is in the combination. Will you let me know what your experiences are?
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